I think there's a stereotype out there that once a baby is put in their mother's arms she falls head over heals in love with her child. I don't like to admit this, because people might think I'm missing a mom gene, but I didn't fall for my first born the moment I met him.
When they put Gabriel in my arms for the first time, I looked down at a stranger. I wasn't overcome with love so much as fear. Fear of my inadequacy, fear that I was sure to screw him up. And it wasn't just that I had this new little guy who was so strange but also my new title.
Mom. I didn't feel like a mom, being a mom had to feel different than the terror I was going through. It's actually quite amazing if you think about it, you go through a screening when you buy a puppy but you can walk out of a hospital with a baby and no one blinks an eye (I wouldn't recommend this if the baby is not yours though). I kept wanting to ask people, 'Wait, what do you mean I have a child.' but fear of the looney bin kept my mouth shut. I mean seriously, if by the age of 30 you don't know what comes after 9 months of pregnancy you should be questioned. I couldn't wrap my head around there being no period of transition, no week of training with a professional. Just a "Congratulations! Here's your release papers."
I dealt with this fear and confusion in the hospital and for a while at home with my body trying to heal and my house bursting at the seams with family and friends (who were very welcome don't get me wrong). I struggled until one moment...
I was rocking him, it was just him and I, he did his best to move his head, looked up at me and our eyes locked. Even though he could hardly move and didn't make a sound, I knew he knew me and at the same time, I knew I knew him. If I forget all my memories I pray I don't forget that one. In an instant I was utterly, humbly in love. For the first time I handed someone my heart knowing that when they crushed it I would simply pick it up and hand it back to him. I was mom and have never before felt so comfortable in a role I was given.
Gabriel enjoying a warm winter day..jpg)
Here's Bennett! This little guy is 3 months old already :) I have been lucky enough to photograph him in his first year and HE has been lucky enough to have a very cool family. His parents are both strong, creative, confident people and I would LOVE to see the results their influences are going to have on him.
We do specials from time to time but I think this one will be my favorite. St. Valentine's Day endures cliches and nauseating jewelry commercials. But the heart of the holiday is pretty special, a day to acknowledge loved ones and say, 'thanks for putting up with me' (something Rick certainly deserves after dealing with my exorbitant moods or what I like to call... my creative side). And so, for this, we offer a simple portrait special in celebration. Cheers to you St. Valentine!
Every once in a while someone will ask me why I photograph and for a long time I didn't know. Then one day, I was talking with one of my sisters about the old rotary phone we used to have growing up. You know, the pea green, enormous phone with the longest cord you could find so you could walk around the house with it (that and so your baby sister could chew on a live cord whenever she felt the need). I was going on and on about how great this monstrous thing was and she laughed and said, "Liz, you're so nostalgic" Her insult left me one thing to do... look up the word nostalgic and see just how strong of a come back I needed...
Nostalgia: noun. A sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past.
Well this didn't seem like an insult at all. In fact it was quite true. I AM very nostalgic. And then I realized, this is why I photograph. My obsession with the past drew me to taking pictures. It's the closest thing there is to capturing time.
Time. As parents we are all to aware of it. Not that we don't want to see our children grow up and be the funny, responsible, successful and fabulous adults we all are. We just don't want to give up the time where they don't pull away. And though I can't keep my little ones from growing out of this time, I can do my best to capture it.
What a better time to start a blog than the beginning of a new year, am I right?
First things first, a little about me... I'm a rookie blogger, this is my first actually; I'm a terrible speller and just realized this program doesn't give me that precious red line under misspelled words so that could pose a problem; I don't like exclamation points so if I'm using them, I truly am shouting.
As for the blog... there will be a little bit of personal, a little bit of professional and lots of pics! (yes I just shouted)
I leave you with the latest and greatest from my life, my little Abagail Elizabeth...
