So it's been a while since I've written a blog. People tell me I should post at least once a week and I think it's been about a month... maybe two. I'm not sure why we need so many things to keep in touch with people. A phone call used to do just fine. Now we've got Facebook, twitter, blogs, linkden... do people still myspace anymore? It's a full time job just keeping up with all the social media's. So, if I have viewers (which I probably don't according to "the people" because I don't blog enough) I apologize for slacking. Anyhoo, I digress... on to my point.
The reason I haven't blogged recently is because I've been swamped playing around with Senior photography. It's a pretty cool job, I have, to be able to wake up in the morning and think to myself, "Self, let's try something new today" and have the ability to do just that. I've tried it on for size and I think I like it. Now I know what you're thinking, don't fret about me leaving the little ones behind. Children are a pleasure to photograph for the sole reason of their natural confidence. It is a beautiful thing to photograph a child who has no apologies for bruises, temper or frame of mind and is something I could never give up. I think, though, I'll start to do Seniors in addition to. Here are a few images shot at my last session. She did great and, if I may say, so did I...
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As I mentioned in an earlier post, when I had my first child, Gabriel, I was terrified and it took me a while to settle into my new role. When I had my second, Abagail, I didn't have to worry about a new role. I was already a mom and it soots me. The first thing I said to Abagail was, "Hi, I'm your mommy". From the very start I could enjoy her without the struggle of becoming a new identity and boy did I. I was on a baby high like none other.
Now spring is here again, her first birthday is fast approaching and I'm starting to feel a bit sad, which surprises me. Her first year has been amazing, thrilling and I'm utterly in love... at the same time it has been utterly exhausting. I can honestly say this has been the most exhausting year of my life. And though I've thoroughly enjoyed my baby I've also looked forward to the time she is a little less clingy and a little less needy. Now that time is almost here. I should be jumping for joy right? I mean I have a husband who travels, a business I'm running, a toddler still in diapers (hopefully not for much longer) and a baby. The smallest chores take a day to accomplish and some are completely pointless because my beautiful little Abagail is just going to crawl over to whatever I've just straightened and destroy it in a matter of seconds.
There must be a glitch in the mommy gene because no one should wish this on themselves right? No one in there right mind would want to sneak away to a quiet room to feed their little one and feel her soft fingers on your face as she takes her bottle. Or watch in amazement at her own excitement when she learns to wave good-bye or figures out how to crawl.
How crazy are we?
But alas, time can not stop and quite honestly, I don't think I'd survive another year. As much as I'll miss the excitement of these first milestones, most days I feel I could sleep for a year... if only she'd let me. And so cheers to you Miss Abagail! As much as I'll miss my baby, I look forward to watching you turn into my little girl. You are my joy
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For those of you who don't know (which would be many I would think) Rick, my husband, has been a pilot for COMAIR for 27 years now... until today. He has taken a job at Southwest and today was his last flight with COMAIR. Our son Gabriel and I were lucky enough to fly his last flight with him, a simple Chicago turn.
Much to the surprise of many of my friends I have not taken Delta up on their amazing flight benefits so this last flight of Rick's just happened to be Gabriel's first. I'm tired and it's late so I'll let the pictures speak for themselves. I only hope they show what an amazing day it was for Rick, for Gabriel and for me to be able to capture it...
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I think there's a stereotype out there that once a baby is put in their mother's arms she falls head over heals in love with her child. I don't like to admit this, because people might think I'm missing a mom gene, but I didn't fall for my first born the moment I met him.
When they put Gabriel in my arms for the first time, I looked down at a stranger. I wasn't overcome with love so much as fear. Fear of my inadequacy, fear that I was sure to screw him up. And it wasn't just that I had this new little guy who was so strange but also my new title.
Mom. I didn't feel like a mom, being a mom had to feel different than the terror I was going through. It's actually quite amazing if you think about it, you go through a screening when you buy a puppy but you can walk out of a hospital with a baby and no one blinks an eye (I wouldn't recommend this if the baby is not yours though). I kept wanting to ask people, 'Wait, what do you mean I have a child.' but fear of the looney bin kept my mouth shut. I mean seriously, if by the age of 30 you don't know what comes after 9 months of pregnancy you should be questioned. I couldn't wrap my head around there being no period of transition, no week of training with a professional. Just a "Congratulations! Here's your release papers."
I dealt with this fear and confusion in the hospital and for a while at home with my body trying to heal and my house bursting at the seams with family and friends (who were very welcome don't get me wrong). I struggled until one moment...
I was rocking him, it was just him and I, he did his best to move his head, looked up at me and our eyes locked. Even though he could hardly move and didn't make a sound, I knew he knew me and at the same time, I knew I knew him. If I forget all my memories I pray I don't forget that one. In an instant I was utterly, humbly in love. For the first time I handed someone my heart knowing that when they crushed it I would simply pick it up and hand it back to him. I was mom and have never before felt so comfortable in a role I was given.
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Here's Bennett! This little guy is 3 months old already :) I have been lucky enough to photograph him in his first year and HE has been lucky enough to have a very cool family. His parents are both strong, creative, confident people and I would LOVE to see the results their influences are going to have on him.
We do specials from time to time but I think this one will be my favorite. St. Valentine's Day endures cliches and nauseating jewelry commercials. But the heart of the holiday is pretty special, a day to acknowledge loved ones and say, 'thanks for putting up with me' (something Rick certainly deserves after dealing with my exorbitant moods or what I like to call... my creative side). And so, for this, we offer a simple portrait special in celebration. Cheers to you St. Valentine!
